Voices in My Head
College Has Been Very Good But Hard for Me and That’s Okay
College, in my past life, had been more of an obstacle than a path. 1966, 1967, 1970 were the last years of my previous attempts. College was just too demanding on my body, mind, and spirit; especially during those early personally chaotic years. Buffeted by depression and immersed in drug use, book learning just wasn’t going to find a way into me. Instead, I chose to pursue knowledge and experience through life living. In spite of my continuously finding ways to sabotage myself, the successes outnumbered the failures. Just barely sometimes. Then, in 2016, an opportunity presented itself to go back to college and finally get that damn degree which had eluded me for fifty years. It would be an understatement to say that I’ve been almost fanatical in the pursuit of that Bachelor of Arts degree. Long Beach City College has been very good for me but it’s been one hellava journey that has tested my patience, my spirit more than my body, and once in a while my commitment. While it’s been fun and stimulating, it hasn’t been easy.
What has kept me on commitment has been the realization that I could be rewarded with a consistent 4.00 GPA for all my hard work. Then, for the first time since I returned to college in the Fall of 2016, I received my first “B” grade last semester (Damn Statistics). Until then, I had been racking up only “A” grades. I thought I was invincible. And before you say anything about my getting a “B”, it was a big deal for me. Okay, I was a little cocky. I really believed the 4.00 GPA would go on forever because I was studying my backside off, seven days a week, immersing myself in the tutoring center, and often visiting my Professor during office hours. I was on track to grab that “A” one more time when something happened: my brain froze. Not literally but sort of.
Editor’s Note: The Palacio Podcast is on hiatus but will return with a new episode on January 21, 2020.
College is Hard Work
I had overestimated how much information a 71-year-old brain stained by too many drugs, too much alcohol, and too much living could retain. (Not a scientific conclusion but a good excuse). Even though I’ve been sober for more than eight years, I have found certain subjects more difficult than others. Statistics tops the list. I mean, the last time I took any math that was more complicated than what I could figure out on a calculator was in 1965. I was laughingly told by the younger co-students that Math has changed a little since then. It sure has.
The traditional image of a college student is someone who is 18-22 years of age and that’s still true. According to Educationdata.org, “…a student is considered “traditional” if they enroll in college within one year after graduating high school and are attending college full-time. They also have high school diplomas instead of GEDs or other equivalents. Their numbers showed the rate of students entering college shortly after high school ranged “consistently between 65 and 70 percent” during the ten-year period that they reviewed, 2006-2016. If more than a year has passed between the length of time between high school graduation and college enrollment, then you are a non-traditional college student (that’s me), according to the data site. That category also included if you are only enrolled part-time, “…are a parent or single parent at the time of college enrollment, received a GED or other diploma equivalent, or worked full-time while taking classes.”
Educationdata.org cites data for 2017 that 2% of enrolled students in public four-year colleges were 35 years of age or older. The percentage was higher for public 2-year colleges at 7%. The numbers were even higher for private 4-year colleges, 5%, and private for-profit colleges, 28%. I couldn’t find figures for older Americans over 65 years of age but you can find plenty of stories about that older student who graduates from college and becomes the pin-up celebrity in their hometown paper or local news website.
The Goal of the Older College Student
For us students older than 65 years of age, the reasons we attend college are as varied as the people who are in pursuit of a degree. Like me, some just wanted to finally scratch off that number one bucket list goal and they were willing to interrupt retirement or whatever the hell they were doing to just do it. But somewhere along these past three-plus years at Long Beach City College, my goal has changed. It’s no longer just about the bucket list. It’s now about the pursuit of understanding my life history, my America, the world around me, and answering every question I’ve ever had about anything. I want to write about everything that pops into my head: history of the post-World War Two America that I grew up in, America’s ambivalence about race and class, the influential role mass media defines how we see ourselves as Americans, and most importantly during this election year, how the hell did we get to this point in America. I have more questions in search of answers.
That’s the point, isn’t it? College shouldn’t be just the pursuit of a degree or a grade point average. It should be the pursuit of questions and the answers that you should never be satisfied with. Then, those answers should generate even more questions in pursuit of more answers ad infinitum until the day you die. Something happens to people who graduate from a secondary or post-secondary school and finally get that job and think that learning is over. Oh, they may have to learn how to operate widget A or the new computer program or brush up on some new surgical technique. But it can get really easy to believe that you’re finished understanding: pursuing questions in search of answers. The shocking reality is that’s not possible in today’s world. It’s changing too fast and if you don’t change with it by pursuing more questions and answers, Then you’re going to find yourself on the outside wondering how the hell you got there.
Relaxing for College
But, here’s one important lesson I have learned during this pursuit: give your brain some time off. Don’t write, don’t read, don’t stress. Give it a break. Let it all settle into its proper brain space before you launch again. Music, naps (love me some 15-minute power naps), walks, exercise, spending time with my life partner and friends, mindless entertainment, and daydreaming. That extends to managing your expectations of what you can do and not do. The hardest lesson I’ve learned since last semester is that when you honestly pursue understanding, the grade you make is a byproduct, not the goal. College schedules, hours studying, pop quizzes, homework, mid-terms, and finals are difficult enough without you adding to the stress the unrealistic expectation that you’re going to be perfect in everything you do. Ain’t going to happen.
The pursuit of questions and their answers is the path to understanding. Do this with commitment and honesty and the measurement of your hard work at that moment will follow. That’s great advice to myself but I better never see another “B” again. Hey, just kidding.
