Sober. September 11, 2011. Nine years and Counting.

In the pain of this day’s memory, I find solace in my decision to end the nightmare of alcoholism and addiction on September 11, 2011.

There is no victory in sobriety. You have not won a prize. There are no medals, nor should there be. There is no need for a marching band or cheerleaders or a slap on the back, Good work, young man. Sobriety is a time to remember the bad old days and darker nights where there was so much hurt and pain in your life and the lives of those who loved you. Marriages/love affairs lost. Friendships destroyed. Their fading memory of you pushed out of their existence. You found yourself apologizing more times than you can count; for what you have lost or worst what you cannot remember. It is also a time to realize you are still alive.

One morning, you wake up and decide that you’re just too damn old for the daily struggle that has shadowed, haunted your life for more than forty-five years. The pain, the slow beating pain that reminds you that you are the only one that can stop it The handovers, the anger that erupts from them, the holes in your memory, the emptiness of your life. Enough.

You don’t live sober because you believe you’ve solved a great riddle of life. You live sober because you want to live longer and happier. Sobriety is living one moment to the next as everyone else does but with a reminder that one wrong decision can be deadly. Unconsciously, often consciously, you are on constant watch. Don’t fuck up. Once you fall into the hole, there is no easy way out. The nightmares will return and trust me, no one more than I ever wants them to return

Please don’t give me a medal or pat me on the back. This isn’t a competition to win. This is a lifelong struggle to make it through a day, one second to the next, one hour to the next. If you want to say or do something, just say, you will be there for a loved one or a friend who may one day face the same choice I had to make. Pass it on.

As my wife, Sumire Gant, always says, “Life is Good.” It really is, Sober.